


I Know You

by bluestbluetoeverblue



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Best Friends, Childhood Friends, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-26
Updated: 2014-09-26
Packaged: 2018-02-18 19:59:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2360414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluestbluetoeverblue/pseuds/bluestbluetoeverblue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Dean gets a call in the middle of the night, and Cas panics about his future.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Know You

The call came at three twenty-six in the morning, but Dean was already awake anyway. The voice on the other line was rough and caked with exhaustion as it rambled. Dean had to turn off the tv and think for a second, because there was no pause between his hello and the caller’s jumble of tired, worried words.

“Cas, what’s going on?” he said loudly into the speaker, and the other line was quiet for a moment, as the man caught his breath.

“I don’t know what I’m doing.” His voice was quiet and small on the other line; it felt broken. Dean’s chest tightened in concern.

Five minutes later he was in the Impala, music blasting as he entered onto the highway. The small airport was a town over and completely deserted. They were nowhere near a big city, and no planes buzzed overhead as Dean parked and fumbled to lock the car before hurrying up to the entrance. He entered a large lobby with rows of empty seats and a round desk that was lacking employees. An old man in a blue uniform sat at a podium, eyes glazed over enough to feign death, and beside him was an escalator. Dean looked around, confused, until a figure appeared at the top.

Cas looked the same as always, and yet different. He was wearing a navy suit with a crooked blue tie, and a boxy tan trench coat hung on his lean frame. The first thing you noticed, though, was sporadic raven hair, and wild blue eyes with purple moons under them. Dean had never seen his best friend looking so tired, and he’d helped him study for six AP exams.

After graduation, Castiel had moved to New York to get away from his family and to go to school. Dean had stayed in Lawrence, working at Bobby’s garage and bartending at the Roadhouse, like he’d always planned to. He wasn’t gonna go to college and leave Sam anyway, even though the Singers were happy to take the kid in. The day Cas left was the second-worst day of his life. Sure, Dean had had a crush on Castiel for forever, but he really just missed his best friend.

He missed Cas coming over to watch crappy horror movies late at night while hogging all the popcorn. He missed Cas tutoring him to actually survive precalculus and chemistry, and the way he would give him copies of his favorite books and mix tapes of obscure indie bands that Dean secretly thought were actually pretty good (they were all still lined up on the bookshelf in his apartment). He missed the way Cas looked in the passenger seat of his car, the way he was quiet at parties, having silent facial conversations with Dean while everyone else got drunk and embarrassed themselves. He missed the way Cas and Sam debated politics Dean couldn’t care less about, and how the only person willing to watch old Star Trek reruns with him wouldn’t tease him about how invested he was in the characters.

Castiel’s expression as he reached the bottom of the escalator was nearing pain, and he appeared like a puppy that just realized his owner had left for work. Dean tried to ignore the sight and smile, but when he walked up to Cas, whose lip was trembling, there were no words. Suddenly, Dean was being grabbed into a hug. It was strange for a moment, because Cas wasn’t usually one for physical contact. The embrace broke in a few seconds and Cas gave a pitiful smile up at Dean.

“Sorry. Hi.”

He’d missed that voice. It just wasn’t the same over the phone.

“Hey, welcome home,” Dean said, and he pretended not to see Cas’ smile falter for a moment as he grabbed the duffel bag from his friend’s hand. “Here, you look exhausted.”

“It’s been a long week,” Cas said, following Dean outside.

 

They drove for a while with the sounds of midnight radio buzzing softly through the car. Cas didn’t say anything, so Dean didn’t either. He thought Cas was going to be absorbed into the passenger seat though, the way the guy fell into it as if it were the most comfortable spot in the world with his arm resting on the console and his head up against the window. He sure was small enough to disappear into the leather cushioning. Cas had always been lean, but when did he get that small? Dean made a mental note to stop off at the Burger King right inside the town limits and get his friend a burger. The silence continued until Dean finally sighed and pulled into the parking lot outside his apartment.

“Are you gonna tell me what’s up?” he asked, turning to look at the frail man in his passenger seat.

Cas looked up at him with round, glossed-over eyes.

“I don’t mind the whole driving to the airport in the middle of the night with no explanation thing,” Dean said, “but you look like a wreck, Cas. And you didn’t tell me where to take you. Do you want to go home?”

“No.” The man sighed and covered his face with his hands, mumbling something into his palms.

“Huh?” Dean asked, and Cas dropped his hands but kept his eyes shut.

“I dropped out.”

“Of med school?”

Cas nodded. Dean sat back in his seat and let out a breath of air, staring into the darkness outside the windshield.

“Why?”

“Because it absorbed me. It took every ounce of spirit and time and patience that I had, and I don’t even want to be a doctor.”

They both stared at each other for a moment, Dean’s forehead wrinkling in confusion.

“They’re surgeons, Balthazar’s a pediatrician, and Anna performed open heart surgery yesterday, so I always assumed I would go into the medical field, but I hate it. I hate it so much, Dean.”

“So you quit. Good. You shouldn’t rack up that many loans and that much time to do something you hate. You’re better off now.”

Cas closed his eyes and shook his head before leaning forward to rest his arms on his knees. One hand began to rub nervously over the back of his neck, something Dean hadn’t seen him do in years. But everything seemed fixed; Dean didn’t see the problem.

“Cas- Cas, I don’t understand. What’s wrong?”

Those watery blue eyes turned to look at him pitifully.

“Don’t you remember those summers I went to premed classes and all the time I spent at my parent’s practice? In all the time we’ve been friends, have I ever talked about another career path? Becoming a doctor is- was my plan. It’s my identity, Dean; it’s all I have. I don’t know who I am anymore.”

Dean put a hand firmly on Cas’ shoulder and the other on his arm, trying to calm him down. He’d never seen him this upset before, even when Gabriel left. Dean definitely didn’t understand, having pretty much no parental expectations, but he could see the problem now. Their futures had always been clear: doctor and mechanic, no questions asked. Then again, Dean had never imagined doing anything else with his life until he’d discovered the volunteer firefighters (he still needed to tell Cas about that…he kept putting it off because there was no chance of getting through the conversation without Cas worrying and telling him it was too dangerous).

“Cas.”

His friend continued to sit with his head in his hands, which couldn’t have been too comfortable in the car.

“Cas, look at me. Castiel!”

Cas’ back straightened as he looked at Dean, surprised. He hadn’t called him that since the first day they met, which seemed like an eternity ago. The two boys at the park on Second Avenue were a million miles away from the men facing each other in the dark interior of the parked car.

“Cas, calm down. This isn’t the end of your world or of you. You’re right, I do remember all those summer classes and weekend office hours, but if you think those are all you did in the past few years, I don’t know what you’ve been smoking. Because you might not know who you are anymore, but that’s alright, because I do. I know the you that spent weeks organizing the community center kitchen and storage rooms so that kids in need would have more space to live in. I know the you that took every class on Picasso and Pollock and Van Gogh that he could, the you that left sketches in my locker and on my desk and in my car, the you that carries a box of colored pencils in his bag, the you that paints stuff as good as half the things I’ve seen in any museum.”

“You hate museums,” Cas said softly, and Dean smiled before resting a hand on his.

“You are a lot of things, Castiel Novak. Artist is only one of them, and thank God med student no longer is. You don’t need to be a doctor to be successful or happy, you just need to be brave enough to do something else.”

Cas’ lip was quivering again, but this time Dean was pretty sure it wasn’t because he was upset. Also, their hands were still touching, and Dean was trying not to think about it, but it was getting really difficult not to, and he knew he should probably pull his away, but he just couldn’t bring himself to. Be brave, that’s what he’d said to Cas. Dean might not have been brave enough to tell his best friend he was like eighty--okay fine like ninety percent sure he was in love with him, but he could at least keep their hands together for a few more seconds.

Dean was just considering this idea and possibly also the shots of electricity going through him every second they touched as Cas’ face began to brighten. Dean may be a spineless idiot, but at least he could cheer up his best friend.

But then Dean wasn’t sure what was happening because the car was dark, and he was high from giving the only motivational speech he had ever given, and also his best friend was kissing him. Dean blinked, and surely it was still Cas leaning over the console, lips pressed up against his. Then his hands were holding Cas’ face as he breathed in the taste of his lips and thank God he’d parked outside his apartment and not Cas’ parents’ house.


End file.
